"If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles."
KNOW YOUR ENEMIES
Know ye, all here present, that the following individuals and organizations are enemies of psychic freedom. We sanction all measures you may deem necessary against them, including cranial implosion.
- The University of Alabama at Birmingham
- A hotbed of mind-control research.
- The Amazing Randi
- His mouldering corpse fights us from beyond the grave. The Amazing Randi was to psychics what Pol Pot was to Cambodians. Warning: If you see this man, do not attempt to apprehend him. His zombie body is ten times stronger in death than it was in life.
- American Civil Liberties Union
- Supports civil rights for criminals, while giving short shrift to psychic freedom. Refused to help L. Ron Hubbard in his legal battles with the FBI.
- American Psychological Association
- The Inquisition burned psychics at the stake. In this enlightened age, they're locked in padded cells with criminal sodomites, and doped with enough thorazine to tranquilize rogue elephants. The Inquisition's way was more honest.
- British Telecom
- "It's good to talk!" But maybe it's not so good to have the phone company helping MI5 (the CIA's British embassy) to tap your private conversations. Maybe it's even worse to have the phone company integrating silicon chips into customers' brains, a project they've aptly dubbed "Soul Catcher". Mind control at its sickest! Until psychic telephones are widely available, we must remain vigilant.
- Center for the Advancement of Objectivism
- The Amazing Randi's undead bride. Ayn Rand's poisonous philosophies taught millions that hard work and striving are more important than luck and wishful thinking. Balderdash!
- Central Intelligence Agency
- They're more intelligent than you think they are. See their web page for children.
- Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal
- Bankrupt frauds and charlatans, in the pay of the International Communist Party. In over twenty years, the committee has yet to verify a single paranormal event.
- Computer Emergency Response Team
- As if computers needed the help! When was the last time a computer responded to a human emergency?
- Dow Chemical
- Agent Orange dampened the psychic fields of a generation of American and Vietnamese youth. Is this why the CIA instigated the Vietnam War?
- Ericsson Corporation
- Mind control pawns. Ordinary mind control is bad enough, but does it have to give you cancer of the ear as well? Now bringing you mind control in a briefcase!
- Federal Bureau of Investigation
- Time and again, our mediums have provided valuable clues that would break cases the FBI calls "unsolved". They refuse to listen.
- Federal Emergency Management Agency
- This CIA front presents a smiling public face of disaster relief,
forest fire management, and pets rescued from hurricanes. As all too
merlin.org operatives can testify, their private face frowns of martial law, concentration camps, and contingency plans to round up and execute psychics on the day "national emergency" is declared. "Legitimate violence is integral to our form of government, for it is from this source that we can continue to purge our weaknesses." - General Louis Giuffrida, Executive Director of FEMA.
- Federal Reserve System
- In civics class, you were taught that you live in a democracy. Meet the illuminists and international bankers who pull your elected oppressors' strings. While the CIA orchestrates systematic persecution of psychics worldwide, the Federal Reserve prevents a return to the gold standard. Both work at the bidding of the same masters.
- Fort Detrick
- The CIA's secret base for study and dissemination of disease. Fort Destrick is ostensibly a facility for cure and prevention. As any child knows, a disease must be spread before it can be cured. That phase of Fort Detrick's research ended in the 1950s. The cover story is that in months to come, 2.4 million Americans serving in the armed forces will be injected with anthrax. If that's the best cover story they can come up with, what else is being injected into our soldiers? Fear!
- IBVA Technologies, Inc.
- Make no mistake. These guys mean business. "BrainWave Control", they proudly proclaim. The ultimate machine-based mind bender: Just strap your brain into the headset, fire up the software on your PC and fall prey to the machine. Fear this organisation.
- Internal Revenue Service
- The crooks who refused tax-exempt status to the Merlin Foundation, claiming the foundation's precepts do not constitute a valid religion. Currently on appeal.
- Poor Knights of the Temple of Saint John of Jerusalem (The Knights Templar)
- Though temporarily defeated by the French Kings of the Valois dynasty in the 14th century, the Templars' plots confound mankind to this day. No longer sodomizing goats in the name of Baphomet, their methods have changed with the times. In this century alone, they arranged the assassinations of Nicola Tesla, Master W. D. Fard, Pope John Paul I, and L. Ron Hubbard, all martyred warriors for psychic liberty. Who will be their next target?
- Rush Limbaugh
- Channels America's healthy anger down useless paths. Clowns like this keep people from thinking about the real problems, like fluoridation of the water supply.
- Massachussetts Institute of Technology
- The training ground for them.
- Merlin Integrated Media
- Imposters from Australia. They pollute the public's perception of our noble mission, using the similarity in names to pose as jerks. Legally: Confusion or the likelihood of confusion.
- Microsoft Corporation
- It should be obvious by now.
- Mindsong, Inc.
- The company that pioneered bloodstream injection of microchips for the CIA.
- Music Television
- They cancelled "Beavis and Butthead" which, apart from "Barney," was the only decent children's program on television.
- National Aeronautics and Space Adminstration
- Launched the CIA's network of mind control and cancer satellites. The psychically triggered Challenger explosion saved earth from an orbital bombardment of their "Living Dead" virus.
- National Council Against Health Fraud
- A vicious minority of CIA-funded quacks, leading the fight to prevent you from using health insurance to pay for laying on of hands, and diagnostic aura readings.
- National Council of the Churches of Christ
- A more accurate name would be the National Council of CIA Stepinfetchits. Time and again, they have refused to condemn the Chinese government's execution of psychics in the name of "social harmony"; they have condoned the government's plans for American psychics; and praised the IRS for its confiscatory oppressions of the Merlin Foundation for Psychic Freedom, as a "dangerous cult." Jesus wept!
- National Performance Review
- These people like to call themselves the National Partnership for Reinventing Government. Their true name is far more accurate. Here revealed is the CIA's vision for a New World Order, as it evaluates the "performance" of its tools and dupes. Learn which cogs will remain a part of the machine, and which must go! For an alternative vision of the future, look here.
- National Public Radio
- Their signals are particularly noxious to highly attuned psychics. A leading source of telepathic noise.
- National Security Agency
- They tried to hide behind a nonstandard TCP/IP port, but we psychically cracked their security, and found their homepage. A spy satellite controlled by this organization has been tracking merlin.org decoys for the past seventeen years!
- Red Cross
- Blood is the motor oil of psychic potential. Don't let these monsters use yours in their experiments.
- Stay Free!
- The CIA is the most prolific publisher in the world, with thousands of books and magazines to the "credit" of its pawns. This is the worst, with more lies per page than even William Peter Blatty. Recent issues have attacked teen smoking and psychic marketing. The Website hosting this publication is controlled by operatives of Sun Microsystems and the Thule Society. Other illustrious Thule Society members include Adolf Hitler and Martin Bormann. Coincidence?
- Church of the Subgenius
- Heretical offshoot of the Merlin Foundation. These malcontents abandoned the Foundation years ago to start their own doomsday cult, unwittingly funded by blood money from the Intel Corporation. The national wave of homicide on July 5, 1998 was their doing. This "Church", whose message seems so outwardly reasonable, is irrevocably tainted by its embrace of computers and technology. It will remain a threat until its leaders are found and detonated. Don't believe the lies. It's not over. X-Day was a cover-up.
- United States Air Force
- The source for the majority of astronauts and black helicopter pilots.
- The Vatican
- You would be shocked if you knew what really happened to the Knights Templar. Our exorcists are infinitely more effective than these yokels. The homepage of the Inquisition.
KNOW YOUR FRIENDS
The following organizations and individuals support psychic freedom. Assist if possible.
- The Aluminum Company of America
- Their aluminum foil makes superior headgear. Blocks radio and satellite static without reducing psychic reception. Accept no substitutes.
- Hillary Rodham Clinton
- A fifth columnist for psychic freedom, Mrs. Clinton has repeatedly promised harsh discipline to those who use the Internet irresponsibly (read: make use of it at all). We applaud her stand, and wish her well in her attempts to destroy the so-called Bridge to the Twenty-First Century.
- Kim Jong Il
- The General Secretary of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea is called "The Dear Leader" by his people, and for good reason! He is first and foremost an implacable foe of the CIA. The Dear Leader completely denies ordinary citizens access to the internet, and its corrosive fields of mind control, for their own protection. Here is a statesman for all to emulate.
- Theodore Kaczynski
- A tragic figure, the Unabomber's story holds a lesson for us all. Forced to study mathematics rather than hone psychic acuity, Mr. Kaczynski squandered his early potential. He should have mailed his devices directly to the computers, instead of to their peripherals.
- R.J.Reynolds Tobacco Company
- The gunpowder on this company's tobacco combines synergistically with nicotine to enhance telekinetic powers. We recommend filterless Camels.
- Clifford Stoll
- Resists the CIA plot to put a computer in ever desk. Mr. Stoll stands up for old-fashioned values like "learning", "common sense", and "decency". A former addict, he threw away his old life of suckling at the teat of the faux InfoFlow for a new life of resistance and the search for wisdom amongst the stars.
Needless to say, our tireless summer interns are fallible. Never permitted to sleep, they sometimes fall short of the perfection that is their noble ideal.
If you perceive an obvious omission from our lists, feel free to contact us at