precognitive dissonance
At the Foundation's Field Research Laboratory, hidden among slums and derelicts in the bowels of downtown censored, timeworn superstitions are continually resurrected to combat the bold new ideas of the modern age. One such outdated dogma, here unveiled, is the theory of Precognitive Dissonance®.

Prophets of old were able to foretell the future. Psychically gifted Ancients, such as Daniel, Nostradamus, Clovis of Cologne, and Zoroaster wisely obscured their predictions amidst balderdash and mumbo jumbo, that the unwashed masses be kept ignorant of truths beyond their ken. Hidden within the meaningless babble and allegory were kernels of wisdom for the knowing to discern. Their secrets have now been collated, digested, indexed, and compiled by our staff of mad scientists and witch doctors, for dissemination to all humanity.

However, full publication cannot be made until the time of Feng Shui, foretold by the court astrologer to the Chinese emperor, Ch'in Shih Huang Ti (whose edict, "Burn Books, Bury Scholars", was surely one of the most enlightened policies a benevolent despot ever handed down to his people). This will take place shortly after the assassination of President Shoffner. For now, we can only offer these tantalizing hints of what the future holds:

It is common knowledge that there is only one future, immutable and unchanging. The end result is graven in stone, and thus subject to prophecy. However, within this inevitable, inexorable future are infinite paths by which it may be accomplished. What is to come is known. How it will come about is anybody's guess.

If this sounds confusing, think of the future as a grade Z slasher film. You know, before you pay your money, that the Homicidal Maniac will kill the Fat Boy, the Jock, the Prom Queen, and the Nerd. The Ingenue, on the other hand, will ultimately escape. What you don't know is WHAT TOOLS the slasher will use. Will he disembowel the Fat Boy with a chainsaw? Or will it be the pitchfork? Through mysteries such as these, the audience's interest is maintained.

A psychically powerful prophet knows that the Prom Queen will be decapitated, and that there's nothing he can do to change this. However, with superior perception and a keenly focused will, the psychically endowed can have a say in whether her pretty head is to be cut off with an axe, or with garden shears. In this, he has an enormous advantage over psychically inert members of the "audience", who sit there wondering whether the Prom Queen and the Jock will be able to maintain a long-distance relationship when they go to college.

Carrying this analogy back to the bigger picture, we know that there is nothing we can do to change our Fate. How that Fate is to be reached is another matter entirely. Will we arrive trailing clouds of glory, riding gilded chariots of fire? Or will will it be a Volkswagen Golf?

To put it more plainly, we know that in the year 2003 A.D. (or 2 M.A., as time will then be reckoned), General Motors, Exxon, Goodyear, and Boeing will all go bankrupt, driven under by miraculous new "psychic surfboards" which propel humans through air at the speed of thought. A prophetically inclined employee of those companies will have kept his job on the assembly line, wisely refusing promotion after promotion. His reward will be a golden future of psychic freedom, with the monthly universal dividend check that is the reward for every citizen of the Psychic States of America.

His ambitious but psychically hobbled coworker, on the other hand, through dint of hard work and pluck, will have risen to become president of General Motors, only to be lynched by angry shareholders at the final board meeting.

The moral: your destiny will come about. Nothing can alter it. However, we at can show you how to make your inevitable destiny come about, AS YOU DESIRE IT TO, through the secrets of Precognitive Dissonance®. Unfortunately, limitations of time and space prevent us from revealing this knowledge in the present forum.

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